Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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