i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
