he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize