I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
