You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
