Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
