you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
