wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
