I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
