Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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