In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
