its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
