Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
