She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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