Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
