Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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