Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
