I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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