dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
