question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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