So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
