She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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