We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize