wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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