Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
