I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
