Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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