Whod you bang
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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