Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
