Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You smell like stripper and shame
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
