I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
