I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
