i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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