I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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