Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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