You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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