I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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