We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
