I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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