Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
