why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
