bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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