I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
