im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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