WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my being single is dangerous.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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