the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
