You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
