I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
