I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Never let your siblings swipe right.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
