I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Houston, we have a blender
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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