I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I checked into jail on foursquare
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
