just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize