They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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