If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
