i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
