so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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