Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
