if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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