I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
