I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
