Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
