so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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