my mouth tastes like poor choices
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
