Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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