Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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