My nipple is on Facebook.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
