i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
