I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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