So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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