And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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