Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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