Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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