You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
