so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
